What do you do when you don't know what to do?

Recently, both my Marine and I have suddenly been faced with the possibility of going back to school in the next year or so.  Quite frankly, this is a shocking and scary proposition to me.  Since I graduated with a Bachelor's in History nearly 15 years ago, the only thing I've done with my degree is dust it.

We have been seriously blessed in that I have not had to use my education to find paying work.  I drag my husband and kids, and whoever else can't come up with a good excuse, to anything historical I can find.  If you need a useless historical factoid or small talk fodder, I'm totally your girl.  Research is my forte and I love to look up things, just because.

But, unless Jeopardy or Trivial Pursuit are looking for staff writers, I'm up the proverbial creek without a job.  And with four kids who will hopefully want college educations too, I should figure out what I want to be when I grow up.

While I don't think this counts as a mid-life crisis (no urge to buy a flashy car or get a make-over, yet), it is slightly concerning that I have no idea what I'd want to get a Master's degree in or what to do with it afterward.  And, I've had to face the idea that if something ever happened to my Marine Pilot, I'd be the sole provider for our kids.  That's not something I could do at this minute.  Thankfully, God hasn't (and prayerfully, never will) asked that of me, but it is a reality that many military wives face.

So....what to do?

I've read that where the World's need meets your passion is where you should serve God.  Huh.  Well, since I am really not sure the World has a need where English manor houses are concerned, I must have another passion I have yet to uncover.

And, the only thing that comes to mind is this quote from a long ago Victorian Lit class (one of my favorites, which speaks volumes about my brain.  Weird.  I know.  My husband and kids will probably need therapy for prolonged exposure to me):

"Do the Duty which lies nearest thee, which though knowest to be a Duty!

Thy second Duty will already have become clearer."

Thomas Carlyle, Sartor Resartus

Great advice.  Not exactly Biblical.

Or is it?

Isn't that the same idea behind Jesus's parable of the Talents?  

"Well done, good and faithful servant; 

you were faithful over a few things, I will make you ruler over man things.  

Enter into the joy of your Lord."  (Matthew 25:21)

I'm not sure but they sound similar to me.  Do the next thing. Be faithful.  In big things or little things, "do the duty that lies nearest to thee."

But, what if my next thing is 900 loads of laundry and yet another round of floor mopping?  Or, car pool.  Get the oil changed or have that difficult conversation with my kids. Un-commit to something I should not have said yes to in the first place.  Speak words of Truth and Love to someone who does not want to hear them.  Do something I don't want to do (#exercise.  yuck.)  Potty training. (Double yuck.)  Feed the homeless man on the corner.  Not go shopping.  Balance my checking account.  Well, then, I guess I need to be faithful in those 'small things'.

In the grand scheme of things, this all looks silly.  What a load of First World, middle class, American problems I just listed off.  But, this is the life I have.  This is where God has placed me.  He could have put me anywhere on Earth, at any time in history.  He chose me for here, for now, so He must have something that He wants me to do here, now.  I'm not sure what that is.  Don't you wish that God would just send us a text message in the morning of what He wants us to do everyday?  I haven't gotten one from Him yet, so I'll keep doing what's right in front of me.

Maybe I won't go back to school at all.  Maybe I will.  Maybe I have a passion I know nothing about yet because I have more 'faithful' to do still.  I don't know.   

But I'm looking.  I'm praying, specifically, that He'll show me what to do and how to do it.  He always has.  I'm praying that I'll obey.  And, I'm doing those loads of laundry.  And praying.  And carpools.  And writing (Side note- This has been strange; for a decade and a half, I've rarely written anything longer than a thank you note.  Now, I can't seem to keep the words in).  And more praying.  Until the next duty becomes clear.