Well, I say that dramatically. I have done things: school runs, some laundry, dishes, posted a FB status update, changed some diapers. But none of those things are on my miles long "to-do" list. Maybe they should be, just for the pleasure of checking something off.
Whatever. I have yet to finish something that I could scratch off my list.
Neither Mondays nor mornings are my thing and I tend to slink into the week with my yoga pants on, slurping coffee and mumbling. Add to that it has been quite the month- 5 birthdays, one dead car battery, a new squadron, a trip to Disneyland, back-to-school with Christmas hangovers, back to the routines at church, 3 parties, close friends in turmoil and a round of the stomach flu.
I'm reeling with tiredness.
This is not the "a good night of sleep and good meal will fix it" kind of tiredness. I'm suffering from the "bone deep, soul weary, lay my head on Jesus's lap and cry" kind of tired. The kind that comes sometimes when things start to crumble around you or the people you love and you just don't know what to do but run to the Cross. It's not a necessarily a bad thing; it's just life. Jesus promised this would happen. But, it always seems to catch me off guard.
And, I have so many things to do, the list is literally sucking the life out of me. Good things. They are important and/or urgent and they are part of my job. I know enough about myself to know that I am a great starter but a really bad finisher and I don't put stuff on my list if I don't think it's worth the effort to complete.
And yet....I sit here typing a blog instead of working on the relentless taskmaster of To-Do.
Some part of me wants to yell "Get up, girl, and just get started! It's not so bad once you get going." And, that's true. But, then again, some days you just have to step back.
So, I am.
Today I am practicing my "Less" motto for this year in doing less.
Now, I can't do this for long, not even for the whole day, or the wheels would fall off the wagon of Team Nelson and life would get ugly. But for now, I am turning off the volume of my DO DO DO voice and am doing LESS.
The lists and the jobs and the chores will still be there tomorrow. The Dishes and Laundry Fairy has yet to find my house so those things will be there tomorrow. The Thank You notes that are not yet written will be one day later. Dinner may be cereal. Life will go on. Tomorrow will come.
After I decided to do LESS today, I was finishing my Bible Study for tomorrow (haha! I did get one thing done to check off a list- go me!) I "accidentally" found Psalm 131:2
"But I have calmed and quieted myself,
I am like a weaned child with its mother;
Like a weaned child I am content."
Today is a 'lay my head on Jesus's shoulder and listen to His heartbeat' kind of day. Like a weaned child, content to rest.
Oh my gosh. I could have written this myself. I'm exhausted. I'm drained. Life seems so hard for so many of my friends right now. I just want to cry for them all. I want to fix things. But I'm finding all I can do is pray for them and although it is a lot it doesn't seem like enough. I don't like life as a grown up sometimes....it is so hard and scary and sad. I'm glad to know I'm not alone. I too had a day with nothing crossed off my list but like you I decided it will be here tomorrow or God will come and it won't matter anyway. Thanks for sharing your heart. I needed this today.
ReplyDeleteYou are not alone my friend! Hang in there. Sometimes the best thing to do is get enough sleep and get enough Jesus and start again tomorrow. :)
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