My Mary Christmas

I have been thinking of the Christmas story from Mary's point of view a lot this Christmas.   It started at a Christmas brunch that one of my pastors spoke at when he said: God's first words to Mary were "do not be afraid" and "God is with you" (Luke 1:30),  which meant that she had reason to feel afraid and alone.  His response to her fear was Immanuel.

There have been plenty of places to feel afraid and alone this week, especially after the tragic shootings in Connecticut and Oregon.  I do not understand why God has allowed these things to happen.  His wisdom is far, far beyond me.  But I do know that I feel alone and afraid, just like Mary did.  And so, I have been clinging to Immanuel, meaning God with us.

When I first heard of the shootings, the verse jumped into my head from Matthew 2:18-

"A voice is heard in Ramah,
weeping and great mourning,
Rachel weeping for her children,
and refusing to be comforted,
because they are no more."

For the first time, I saw this verse from Mary's eyes.  She was a young mother and a newlywed.  As if that wasn't stressful enough, she was fleeing her homeland, because a king is out to kill her infant.  Seriously?  Terrifying in itself.   Then, add onto that 'mother guilt'; that special skill only mothers have to add guilt to any situation.  What must Mary have felt watching from a far as she felt responsible-  she held her little son, already the cause of bloodshed, while countless mothers lost their sons to the ego of a sick man?

Sound familiar?  Yep, I had mother guilt too.  As I picked up my kindergartener and hugged the breath out of her, I felt intense gratitude that my baby was okay and soul crushing pain for the mommies who could not.  I am watching from afar, feeling alone and afraid.  And I'm clinging to Immanuel.

"God is with is."

"Do not be afraid."

Right.  Easy to say.  Next to impossible to live out.

So what did Mary do?  In her fear and loneliness and new motherhood and being a new wife and a foreigner and a homeland in turmoil and fear for her child's life, her response was obey.

That's it.

The Christmas story in Matthew and Luke both record Mary and Joseph as obeying, regardless of how things looked, regardless of how they felt or how afraid they were.  They took Jesus to be circumcised.  They paid their taxes and tithes.  They registered for the census.  They went to Egypt and came back when God told them to.  They just....obeyed.

And, in their turmoil, God gave them Grace.  He sent angels.  He had family speak works of life and Truth into them.  Simeon and Anna both met them at the Temple.  Shepherds came.  Wise men came, with gifts that likely funded their exile to Egypt.  Angels came again.  Grace and Truth bombarded them in the middle of their turmoil.

And since the way God dealt with people then, is the way God deals with people now, here is my response:

I am obeying.

I am looking for Grace that must be bombarding us.

That's it.  I can't fix anything.  I can't heal anything.  I can't change anything.  But I can obey.

So, I am loving my husband.  I am loving my kids.  I'm doing laundry and school runs and wrapping presents.  I'm being thankful and grateful.  Patient (huge and hard for me.)  Kind.  Hopeful.  I'm paying my bills and my tithe and I'm doing what it is I do.  Most of all, I'm praying.  Hard.  For whatever I think to pray about. Whenever I think to pray it.  This is meaning a lot of middle of the night wake-up calls but that's a good thing.

And I am looking for Grace.  I am focusing on stories of heroism.  I am reading blogs and books that speak life and Truth.  I am celebrating Christmas with the people around me.  We are laughing and dancing and loving because that is where Grace is.  And, as Mary did, I am treasuring these things in my heart. (Luke 2:19)

Mary's treasuring, her remembering, was also an act of Grace.  She would need it for the path she had to travel as Jesus's mother.  And eventually, Mary watched her child die too.  Even then, there was Grace. (See John 19:26)  Who knows what we will need Grace for?  But we do know, it will be given in embarrassingly generous amounts when the time comes.

Someday, there will be peace on earth.  Someday, I will understand.  Until then, Immanuel.  Obey.  Look for Grace.

Mary Christmas.

Post script:  One of the perspectives I've found so far has been Ann Voskamp's blog post.  I loved it.  So here is a little of the Grace I've found this week.
http://www.aholyexperience.com/2012/12/the-truth-about-sandy-hook-where-is-god-when-bad-things-happen/